Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
