No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
