So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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