i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
