Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize