I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
