May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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