the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
