Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
