Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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