...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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