Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
