I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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