Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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