Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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