you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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