Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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