let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We left an ass print on the piano.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
