$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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