And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
