Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
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