It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
