i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
