How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
