You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
