Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
