i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You were trust falling into bushes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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