does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
