Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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