I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
