I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
