Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
