turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
