she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize