I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
