Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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