AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
