Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
