I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
