I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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