he told me I talked like a deaf person
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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