peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
3 2 1 whiskey
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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