Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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