if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize