Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
