Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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