Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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