Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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