Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
