What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
