Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
