why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
