I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just high enough for therapy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
