I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
