And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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