This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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