i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
