margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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