Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
