Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
