I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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