I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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