Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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