dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
