Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
