this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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