I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The air taste purple.
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