Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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