I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He has the fingertips of a God
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
