nut hugger
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
