I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
