she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need moral support for this bender
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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