it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize