There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
