at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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