it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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