Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
