I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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