he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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