I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
