i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I did not marry a roomba.
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