Do you still have your period?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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