you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
