i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
