when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
