did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
