The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
