just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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