guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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