grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
