People in love make me want to vomit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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