I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
