I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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