I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We were destined to go to rehab together
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
