when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
