there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
