you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
