That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
