I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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