YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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