Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
