I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
