That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i dont even know how to be here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
